I have always loved this quote about fear. And I think it remains at the crux of all that we have set out to do. Sometimes fear of failure is what holds us back, more than money, time, or the merit of the plan. And although fear can be healthy and life preserving, questioning whether being afraid is serving you always seems to be worth pausing over.
Today on my yoga mat, my task was stilling my mind from the worry that comes with the slowing down of all of our enterprises. The b&b sees fewer visitors, the tourists have stopped coming to New Glarus, and many of our regular customers at Cow & Quince head for warmer climates or stay in rather than going out to eat. Worry, another useless emotion, is always with me. But I have become quite adept at giving myself 90 minutes of quiet focus (although some days are easier than others). This morning the heated space and tightness in my body took over my noisy brain as I settled into my breath and practice.
Until my closing headstand. Typically I take headstand in the middle of the room, fully embracing the inversion and the opportunity to change my perspective with my feet well above my head. But today my mat was against the wall, and me on my mat, I took the posture there. My headstand felt weightless and without effort. I could find space in my core and spine, my shoulders were not tense. And then it came to me; I was not fighting to balance, afraid that I might fall. The wall was close enough that I could catch myself if I started to topple. "No fearing."
Wow! I have done enough headstands over 10 years of yoga practice that I am not typically afraid of falling. I know it is always a real possibility, but it is nothing I have to consciously address. However owning a restaurant "living this dream" and all that goes along with it, seems to be a constant effort of balance without falling. Where can I find "the wall"? The prop that will make running Cow & Quince, the farm, the winter have the ease and space I felt in this morning's shirshasana? I guess that is the work immediately ahead. No fearing.