My last two yoga practices found me again alone on my mat. Because Tuesday is Hanuman’s day, I started to consider devotion. There are so many examples in myth, fable, fairy tale and movies that try to convince us that good always prevails over evil. Whether it is the consideration of karma, taking the long view, or not needing to see immediate proof, I think I hold this to be true. Despite living in the world, watching political and financial events unfold, I cling to the greater good prevailing in the end. I loved the line from the movie The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, “everything will be alright in the end…it it’s not alright, it is not yet the end.”
I often find myself reflecting on questions like “what am I supposed to learn?”; “is there a purpose for this happening now?”; “is there a larger plan that I am not yet aware of?” At least those are the questions when I am at my best, finding focus and a way through the stress that is the daily living of running a restaurant, farm and b&b. When LeAnn and I left Washington State for New Glarus, a friend and psychic told us we had a higher purpose to fulfill and it would be revealed once we moved. We have many times asked ourselves, “is THIS why we are here???”
And then there is devotion…to values like love, compassion, education, family, connection and understanding. Hanuman’s devotion enabled him to do the impossible. Am I so devoted? And if so, to what? Yoga is also supposed to teach us detachment to outcome. But how do you ever make a decision? What happens when things go wrong? What about mid-course corrections when these sometimes feel like admitting defeat before it is “not yet the end”?
I truly hold dear my commitment to animal welfare, quality local ingredients, connecting people with community and the sources of their food. And I know that sometimes the easy path/choice is not the correct one. But some days I question in a way that is not a demonstration of devotion. It is fear-not even imagined but real, of the lack of time, money, resources that can put me in this dark place. The notion that the “universe will provide” seems Polly-Anna and innocent. I want to be more like Hanuman, led by devotion, knowing no fear.
I appreciate my yoga practice as a place for this deeper reflection and an opportunity to consider Hanuman as a part of me. And for now we are considering selling our farm and farm-based massage, yoga and b&b. We want to downsize. We want to focus on the restaurant. We want to farm communally and with less overwhelm. Maybe the past year pushing us to this point was exactly the plan. Lucky Dog Farm has given us blessings in addition to heartache. We have gained son-in-laws and a grandson who loves the animals and being outside. We have met amazing guests, some who have become neighbors and members of our community. We have stories to tell and on-farm business experience to share. It does sound like it may be alright in the end.